Hello, welcome to a thread that you're all encouraged to join in with. It's been so popular that we have to keep restarting it because it gets so long that it takes ages to load up! Which is why we're into the fifth edition.
Here's what it's all about. I shall start a story with that well known line:
Once upon a time...
The next bit is up to you. Just add a suitable follow up to that line. Mind you, by the time you get to read the story it will have progressed, so you then have to add the next line. You can visit as often as you like and add a line as often as you like - just let someone else have turn in between!. Oh yes, there's just a few rules:
- Keep it clean. (If you post something offensive, I'll ask you to delete it)
- Don't write your name at the end.
- Make sure the next person can follow on from what you've written.
- If someone else beats you to the next post and your one doesn't make sense, delete it and write something else.
Okay, here goes...
Chapter Five
Once upon a time...
There was a little dog called Fifi who emerged from a secret passage from Chapter 4
she...
...was not only a determined little mutt, but had also managed to change gender while running through the secret passage! This was caused by...
people forgetting that Fifi is a girl's name and the Wizard of Id kindly corrected things as she ran through the secret passage.
But to start the story - one upon a time a little dog called Fifi...
...who was once a girl, but then became a boy, and is now a girl again...
died and everyboby was .....
not upset because as we all know Fifi is imortal and so she\he (i'm confused) set of with all her friends on a great adventure to the planet...
...where dogs which are confused about their gender, go...
But - Fifi was not confused, she was a girl.
So, she decided to have an adventure, she...
[This message has been edited by John Willett at Home (edited 01 October 2001).]
...decided to book in until November! Which means that we won't hear about them again 'till next month's story! 
Meanwhile, on a Fifi-free planet Earth...
...Chirpy chuckled to himself as...
...news of Fifi's disappearence swept the airwaves. One newsreader was heard to say...
"And Finally... Chirpy and his wife have managed to rid the "Once upon a time..." story of little Fifi. They've sent him - or is it her - on holiday until November. The Queen has declared a public holiday..."
Fifi Day proved such a success, that the people of Great Britain decided to have one every day. Industry ground to a halt, the economy took a nosedive and...
bob monkhouse found his joke book..
...which contained the notorious 'pickle story', first told by...
larry grayson told at roger moores...
..."Marquis de Sade On Skis" theme party held in honour of Cary Grant's nasal hair which died valiantly trying to rescue...
a little warthog named Ethel,however back on planet earth unrest was growing at Fifi's enforced holiday,there was even talk that November's issue of that well know mag C\V would be out early,just to spoil the spot the mag compo,however...
...unperturbed, Chirpy was quite happy in his 'mutt-free' world. The streets were cleaner, the cats were happier and Cuddles his pet rabbit could roam in and out of the house without worrying about whether or not she'd be eaten alive.
"Yes" said Chirpy to himself, "I think I'm going to enjoy October..."
...but then it was declared that October and November were to be shortened to five days each this year in an atempt to bring Christmas closer, enforce spending and prevent economic recession. Blinded by rage and reeling with Christmas spirit, Chirpy...
was lost for words for over 2 hours. Probably out cleaning windows, but pondering on his next move...
...which he was about to make when Alan beat him to it!
Hit by a sudden attack of memory loss, Chirpy looked to his friends to add the next line, which was immediatly supplied by...
bob nudd fishing champion of 1987 who...
...had worms! Carefully he skewered one on a hook and cast his line in the hope of catching...
[This message has been edited by pcwells (edited 01 October 2001).]
...up with his pals, but all he managed to catch was a cold.
"Don't you stick that hook in me!" cried the worm, known to his mates as...
...Fifi the Bow-legged Aztec Warrior, but more commonly referred to as...
Willy...
worm wonder who wondered what was...
worth wondering about. Fortunately, Chirpy had the next line already prepared...
...but was too busy helping Kirsty with her homework, so...
Willy popped out 
and...
gosh 
that was close,if it's not fishermen its birds after..
...the custard powder I nicked from them."
Just at that moment...
a small man who was very tall stepped out of the shadows holding...
custard,did somebody mention custard,i just love it with
...Chirpy's wife's thick and creamy rice pudding! But sadly Chirpy had scoffed the lot so the small man - who was very tall - stepped back into the shadows.
But! Low and behold...
the wonderful Tracey appeared with a new rice pudding. She would not let Chirpy have this one, she...
...would only give a bowl to those that were worthy. In order to prove their worthiness for her delicious rice pudding they first had to ....
...open a tin of tuna with their teeth. Tuna was the secret ingredient in "Rice Pudding Surprise", a firm favourite with...
...Eskimos, but Tracey was not impressed, her rice pudding was worth more than this, so proceeded to set an even more spectacular task...
...puppy juggling! On hearing this news, Willy the worm instantly decided to...
...practice, as he'd heard about Tracey's rice pudding and was willing to give 'puppy juggling a try. He'd tried 'whale chucking' with a certain amount of success and even had a degree in...
miss the bird which as a worm was quite useful,now where was Fifi & Titan when you needed to practice your juggling skills,or i could use..
"...a couple of dalmations, after all, I'm sure Pongo and Purdy wouldn't miss two..."
But what would be the outcome if one got hold of FIFI if it was droped.
By this time of course, the thick and creamy rice pudding was getting cold...
so Fifi would be very pleased to drop into the middle of the pudding and..
...drown. 
However as Fifi was far, far away, this happy event was only a distant dream in the wild imagination of...
...General Mishap - leader of an elite private army if survialist badgers intent on bringing down the corrupt underground organisation known as...
L.F.A.(Leave Fifi Alone)organisation which as soon as the badgers heard about it,they quickly decided to join it,but as Fifi was still on holiday they had to make do with meeting...
Margaret Thatcher for a cuppa tea and a doughnut. This was followed by...
a documentry on the jimmy hill haircut club which met...
...once - and then disbanded! This was partly Des Lynam's fault, as it was he who jokingly remarked about Jimmy's chin, coming in handy as a...
doorstop, but then...
the door shut and..
...as it happened to be on a time-lock, nobody could get in or out. Which meant that...
if time stood still, there was a problem which could only be solved by a double helping of rice pudding which in itself posed a problem as the door was shut tight,however...
...the letterbox could still be opened from the outside. The only problem was...
Tracey was outside and the rice pudding was inside - and getting cold.
Not to be put off, however; Tracey went off to make a new rice pudding. But as she went...
...Uncle Ben slapped a writ on the door. Why had she not used his brand of rice in the recipe? Of course there was a perfectly good reason for this...
...Tracey was not on good terms with her Uncle Ben, instead she preferrred to stick to good old Granny's tried and tested recipe!
Disgruntled, Uncle Ben went to have words with "Dear Old Granny" when to his amazement...
Fifi,NO it can't be Fifi, she is still on holiday i had a postcard from her today said Uncle Ben,it's another imposter,at that moment a door opened and in walked...
...The Shopkeeper, and told Uncle Ben to give back the 'nice old man' outfit. Disgruntled, Uncle Ben...
[This message has been edited by pcwells (edited 03 October 2001).]
...realised he'd got all confused. "I'm not Uncle Ben" he said, "I'm Mister Ben. I don't even like long grain rice! I think I'll go back to the costume shop and see where I end up next."
As he walked through the changing room door, a new adventure awaited him...
as straight ahead of him appeared an indescibable vision of loveliness and human freshness. He rubbed hard at his eyes and behold,
there stood Fifi just after a shampoo and set,he rubbed his eyes again and looked,this time he really couldn't believe his eyes as..
it vanished, leaving him holding the rice pudding and...
...staring at a sign saying "Eat Me"
"Mmmm...pure Ambrosia." Said Mister Ben.
"Pure Ambrosia!" Shrieked Chirpy's Wife. "Pure Ambrosia! May I tell you I slaved four hours over a hot stove making that stuff!"
"Oops!" said Mister Ben. "I'd better..."
not say that again.". Sadly though, it was too late and Mrs. Chirpy's wrath was truly evident, for she...
...kicked the rice pudding out of Mister Ben's hand. It flew high into the air and...
cracked the sky making a gateway to...
the space-time continuumuum, giving Fifi a chance to get back home to her warm dog basket at "The Chirpies". "Hello everyone", quoth she, and got the following reply.
Sod Off!!!...
but in her eyes she was saying...
..."I've told you not to do that in public!"...
you will get posted to page 8 and we have never got that far,i'm going to tell...
...my dad." "But we have got as far as page 8 before" said Mister Ben, "in fact we've been all the way up to page 11...so there" 
The watching crowd nodded in agreement...
...and their heads dropped from their fragile necks. One head rolled out of the window and came to rest in the public park, where it was spotted by Pele who...
dribbled all over it before delivering it a hefty kick into the net at the top of page 3. The crowd roared it's approval and Des Lynam said "
[This message has been edited by Alan Roberts at work (edited 04 October 2001).]
", which didn't help, so instead he created an auto-mooblie by saying "
[This message has been edited by Alan Roberts at work (edited 04 October 2001).]
What's this then?
[This message has been edited by Alan Roberts at work (edited 04 October 2001).]
..."I've told you not to do that in public!". At this, Pele stopped dribbling just long enough to...
have some rice pudding which the ref brought out of..
his pocket. But it was horrible - as we all know (now) the best rice pudding is made only by Mrs. Chirpy.
So...
at that moment a space pod arrived ...
...and small grey badgers scuttled out with a cry of "POCKET PUDDING! SURRENDER THE POCKET PUDDING!". Without a moment to lose, Pele and Mr Ben...
quickly hid behind the Ref,who,from his other pocket took a shiny red card and shouted...
put kettle on muther i've nearly finished in lavvy..
[This message has been edited by simonphw (edited 04 October 2001).]
...so Pele, being a well behaved chap, picked up the kettle and put in on top of his mother. She was not amused. 
In fact, she...
sat down and cried,so upset was Pele that he..
looked to the sky to try and look for the cloud which he called tony bennett, but...
...failed to notice that the kettle was full of long grain rice, which became so swollen, it filled the park, completely covering...
...the West coast of Brazil, causing shipping problems at it spilled into the sea and swelled up even more...
as
FIFI was seen dogie padling closer and closer to the
...shark infested...
...strawberry jam topping, it became clear that this wasn't strawberry jam at all! It was...
NAN MAN part nan part man ,faster than...
Willy Worm 
- but...
not as fast as Super Willy Wormie 
the fastest worm in the west,however he had a rival in..
Green Genie, the superworm who would pop up unexpectedly at any moment 
and...
...bite yer bum - oh, what a give-away!!! 
Meanwhile, NAN MAN - exhausted by all this supersonic rushing about, fell into a deep, deep sleep... 
only to be awakened by a kiss from her Prince Charming,none other than....
Kenny 
who said...
who luvs you baby,its...
FIFI
Suddenly a gi-normous bush kangaroo appeared. "Yo, ma names fred" he intoned,
...and Nan Man noticed to his horror that Fred couldn't skip!...
because he had TWO Fifi look alikes in his pouch,whatever next Nan Nan thought to himself,could it be a ...
...Kangaroo sandwich? Nan Man was rather partial to kangaroo - especially when wrapped in two slices of Fifi - delicious!
Nan man opened his jaws wide, and with one gulp, they were gone...
and with one loud burp they were back,quadrupled.Oh No said Chirpy,i'm of to..
...find the dog-catcher...
but, fortunately for Fifi, Chirpy could not fine him.
Then the lovely Tracey and Kirsty took pity on poor Fifi and fed her the very best rice pudding and Chirpy was not allowed to have any for being so horrible.
So...
...Fifi ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate - until...
he saw Chirpy sat in the corner looking so sad and all Fifi ever wanted was to be Chirpy's friend,come on Chirpy said Fifi and bring your bowl,there is enough for all of us,just then....
...as if by magic, The Shopkeeper appeared...
With a big brown box marked YELO FOR CHIRPY.
..."Who ordered the chirpy yellow canary?", asked The Shopkeeper...
I did said Fifi its a present for...
"...the cat at the top of page four... 
...I'm sure she'd be pleased to see her..."
Cat on page 4 looked quizically at the bird and said,
"How do you like your Cranberry sauce, on top or to one side?"
"Arghhh!!!" screamed the little canary.
"Bisto!" replied the cat, saliva dripping from its mouth.
Just then...
Chirpy,s wife grabbed a wooden pudding spoon and
...handed it to the cat.
"It's much easier to eat with this." she said...
but just then, Bluey appeared and shot the cat at the top of page four dead
So Fifi was saved - she was very happy
but then...
Fifi's transport 
appeared to whisk her of to page 5 where she could...
...go and hibernate for another week or so when everyone had finally stopped editing and deleting their postings. Suddenly it started to rain rice pudding again...
[This message has been edited by Chirpy (edited 07 October 2001).]
so Fifi had to stay on page 4 for a bit longer.
So - she decided to...
visit her friend Willy Worm 
who...
asked..
Hows that NASTY chirpy chap upset you now,
He’s been whistling and tapping glass again,
she replied...
but at least I'll get a quiet day tomorrow as his replacement Yelo is due.
But, if that one is also faulty he is likely to...
...shoot me!
Next morning, the long awaited Yelo arrived. With a look of absolute..
joy,Chirpy opened the box,you have won,Mr Miles said,a..
...trip to Catatonia! But only if you leave that 'furry skate-board with legs' behind"
"Fifi...STAY!" said Chirpy, and set off on his all-expenses paid holiday...
but then a dark cloud came from over the back of the...
television set and...
...completely ruined the film-set of 'Lawrence of Arabia'!
"Quick" yelled the director, "cover that sand!"
As the rain came lashing down...
no one got wet,thats strange said...
Noris,the extra,i wonder if its the..
...'Virtual Rain' that's all the rage in blockbuster movies these days?"
As he poked his finger in a 'Virtual Puddle' he was suprised to find...
it was wet,whatever next he wondered,could they...
...market this stuff and get people to pay exorbitant prices for a bottle? An idea flashed through his mind...
quicker than a flys backside when it hits a windscreen, and he realised......
that he could make money from this - only if...
...the 'Once upon a time...' editor gets some of the profits..." 
So rapidly filling a sack with virtual sand to send to the tight fisted editor he
...suddenly realized that Chirpy was quite a nice bloke really! A fact which most of the members...
(watch what you say now )
agreed with except poor poor Fifi who was rather tired of electric chairs,gas ovens,shark infested baths,high cliffs,etc,etc,he wondered what surprise Chirpy had in store for him next or would it be a....
...question about Fifi's gender again? Actually, Chirpy had begun to mellow to young Fifi and could often be heard singing to himself: "They call it Mellow Yelo" (quite rightly!)
Meanwhile, over in downtown Bakersville...
Oops! - I thought you said Baskerville - meanwhile back in Bakersville...
Fifi was surveying the landscape for.....
ages, until she found...
...a bone she'd buried!!! 
After a long search, Fifi found it down by the everglades, in a place called...
Bonevilli-e-plenty,meanwhile...
...beneath the overhanging branches of a weeping willow tree...
on the banks of the great, grey-green, greasy Limpopo,...
...a scruffy little peasant boy called Pablo began his long treck from the top of page five to...
the bottom of page 6 (if he could make it without being killed off).
So, as he was in Limpopo, he decided to start his journey by train on the
and as he set off...
...he decided to check his timetable to find out the time of the last train from London to Brighton!
"All aboard!!!" yelled the...
guard,however out of the corner of his eye he saw
[This message has been edited by Charles (edited 12 October 2001).]
a chicken dressed as lamb..
"Cock-a-doodle baa!" said the chicken dressed as lamb, and promptly laid a big wooly egg!
"Hello Dolly" said Pablo, "have you seen..."
Lucy 
who's the greatest belly dancer in Limpopo?
Well...
[This message has been edited by John Willett (edited 12 October 2001).]
..."no actually, I haven't." said Dolly, wondering what all the fuss was about. "Well then, have you seen Fifi in your travels? Mrs Chirpy is getting quite concerned as she hasn't heard or seen anything of her for a while and certainly nothing on page 5!"
Mr Chirpy had been missing for a couple of hours and sitting at home waiting for his return Mrs Chirpy couldn't help wondering if he had...
[This message has been edited by Chirpy's Wife (edited 12 October 2001).]
stopped off to get some cakes. Meanwhile, in Tesco's, Chirpy was tasting so of Mr. Kipling's best. "S'truth, these are ruddy'ard, reminds me of the Limpopo" quoth he. The Genie was getting confused, so she rubbed her own lamp and...
...Chirpy and wife were instantly transfered back to their living room - complete with shopping trolley!
"Ooh err," said Mrs. Chirpy, "I don't think much to their DVD collection!"
At that very same moment...
in a distant part of the galaxy...
...just two planets away from the little red one, with the funny aliens who wear those ridiculous clothes...
and close to where the Restaurant at the end of the universe would be. Chirpy’s mirror-image was wondering where all his groceries had gone 
but, just then…
Slartibartfast tapped him on the shoulder and said...
BOO
...bet you can't guess what I've been doing - I've got something here that you've been longing to get your hands on, it's a...
...Des O'Conner Special Edition DVD!!!"
There was a stampede as almost 5000 members rushed to...
get out of the shop as fast as possible.
Meanwhile, Fifi ...
...who was getting quite excited because some one had just said "Walkies"...
decided to shave...
...a few seconds off her record for...
...a few seconds of her record for...
The chance of a sandwich from mooblie which she......
...quickly buried under the...
duvet in Chirpy's bedroom. Then she...
had a...
nap on the duvet in Kirsty's room - then...
She smelt the delicious aroma of rice pudding coming from the kitchen, without thinking she...................
stepped right into a furry slipper and went sliding across the room. Just then
Across town, ........
Chirpy...
...quickly popped in to say "Hello" and "Goodbye" - and all because...
Fifi said "Milk Tray" meanwhile
...back at the chocolate factory, Charlie...
was having a disagrement with Willy Wonker about...
...chocolate (what else!)...
could she say? Fortunately though...
It was proved, charlie did have the golden ticket and Mr Wonka had to.....
give charlie a...
incredible hulk chocalate dispenser which...
...he had to travel all the way to page six to collect. However, this made him very, very angry. And you know what happened when he became angry? That's right, he...
sulked,until
...he could sulk no more - which was just as well, because...
Fifi doesn't like sulking. So Charlie perked up and...
and gave Fifi a great big...
...slobbery kiss, which caused Fifi to...
wee on his shoes, not guaranteed to raise a smile on a ...
...centipede, especially if he's just bought some new ones! But that's by the by. Meanwhile...
don jhonson was feeling the pressure,no one
had noticed his new...
...way of spelling his surname! Apart from that, his next door neighbour's cat had had a narrow escape when...
...in walked a purple iguana...
with Doc Martens on its feet and said,
my feet are killing me,anybody loan me a...
...couple o' grand? Oh and I guess a foot spa would come in handy!"
Of course what he really needed was...
...some of Mrs Chirpy's creamy rice pudding! But unfortunately for the purple iguana...
...Mrs Chirpy opened the fridge door, and the purple iguana was so captivated with the refridgerator light that...
it started to do the dance of the seven army blankets. As the 6th dropped...
Mrs. Chirpy slammed the fridge door on him and the Purple Iguana was trapped inside the fridge and started to freeze...
..."Albatross" yelled a funny looking bloke in an Usherette outfit. "Purple Iguana on a stick!"
"Do you get wafers with it?" asked a spotty little kid called Tarquin...
who was standing with a smoking monkey...
...which no-one had got the heart to put out.
"Do you get wafers with it!" said the funny looking bloke. "Do you get wafers!!!"
At that precise moment, the monkey, which by now was completely engulfed in flames...
changed into a...
dinner jacket, just in time for...
...dinner at The Waldorf Hotel. However, things didn't go to plan as...
Mrs Chirpy hadn't delivered the rice pudding due to..
Mr Chirpy finding it first! However...
Monkey was just about to lose his shirt over said missing dish when, horror upon horrors,
who should appear on the scene, but...
Fifi licking his lips, having just been given the rice pudding bowl to lick,however back on the ranch...
...Champion the Wonder Horse and Mister Ed had decided to do a comeback tour with Black Beauty and Muffin the Mule. However...
noggin the nog was haveing a ...
cup of tea and biscuit having taken Fifi for a walk,he wasn't out long having nearly been knocked over by the thundering hooves of..
the four Norsemen of the Akropolis. Oh, sorry, I'm in the wrong universe. Lets' do that again.
Trigger, drawing Ernie's ghostly milk float. The curtains at number 23 started to twitch. "Hello," thought Ernie, "she's keen, I'd better get her another bottle of Gold Top." While all this was going on, Fifi...
was,as dogs do leaning against the lampost watching..
a certain little lady go by. Oh me, oh my. Bur we digress. The iguana (remember him?), who was gently losing his shade of purple, deep in the fridge, started to panic...
...as he turned mellow yellow, then a whiter shade of pale, and finally...
felt sick, having gone the green, green, grass colour of home. Apart from that though, he was none the worse for the experience and started eating his way through the stock-pile of rice pudding. Mrs. Chirpy wasn't amused...
...and neither was Queen Victoria! But that didn't seem to bother Albert as he courageously...
and slowly opened the fridge door...
...to reveal...
...the opening words to page 7, which said...
This is Page 7
and then...
alas, aghast, shiver me timbers, who would turn up but
...that infamous, dastardly, mean son-of-a-gun that everyone knew as...
FIFIes Father & well known hit man for
Winalot,who was most upset that Fifi preferred Mrs Chirpy rice pudding to his new dog meal made out of purple...
Geneticaly modified Alien stewed wheat and
rye gerkins,which are very painfull if swallowed whole,far better to...
pass on to Bob the builder for some
...six inch nails, which, if boiled on a slow heat for 12 hours, produce a really fine tasting...
Iron fortified, organic vitamin wine, which if drunk in large quantities produces......
rust. Fifi's dad wasn't having any of this and demanded to know who'd been feeding Fifi on rice pudding. That's what we'd all like to know as well...
as, who let Fifi's dad in in the first place?, as Fifi was having a great time away from her dad.
But just then...
Fifi's mum,Tuti appeared and...
...just as quickly disappeared when she saw what had just come through the Stargate...
Hopalong Cassidy and he wasn't very pleased as someone had..
...nailed his foot to the floor - he was hopping mad!!! (which is quite a difficult thing to do with your foot nailed to the floor!) However, thanks to his quick thinking horse...
Big Ned, so called because he likes small bananas, blew a humungous rasberry and in an instant,
Bob the builder appeared and quickly had all the nails out,however..
he forgot...
...to tell Wendy, who...
was chaseing some angry ham..
...down the M1 Motorway because he'd...
nicked the..
...cat's eyes out of the...
...cat, which upset Mooblie in particular, because as we all know...
...He wanted to do it!
"And so you shall!" declared a fairy floating high above the...
police helicopter but fearful of the down draft quickly moved to..
...a little, two up, two down cottage, with a two-tier shrubbery and a path running down the middle, deep in the heart of Cleethorpes.
Here, the little fairy was able to run her...
wing repair business with her friend ...
Genie, who's lamp would come in handy for...
...a spot of welding. But today the little fairy had got other things on her mind...
like a double helping of rice pudding followed by..
...a strenuous workout to get rid of those fat-inducing calories.
Down at the local Health & Fitness Club, the little fairy bumped into...
Fifi, who was running on the treadmill and then...
Muttley,half of that famous duo,flicked the go faster switch and poor Fifi shot of at the speed of light to...
...beat the previous record set by Superman when he inadvertently...
slipped in chuckney
...whilst bowling for the local cricket club during a charity event!
"Howzat!!!" shouted the spectators in unison, as Superman...
...took a shortcut to page 8. Only to find...
more chuckney bit this time inside a ...
...packet of Kellog's corn flakes. Strangely enough though, it tended to...
slip of the spoon each time he tried to have a bite,however...
by holding the spoon firmly between his...
eyes...
he could feel...
he could feel, but not see it dribble down his cheek,so mouth open,tongue out,he waited for...
Chirpy to explain what was going to happen next. Over to you.
...said Alan, realising he was in a pickle.
Chirpy appeared clutching the instruction manual showing how Superman could get out of this sticky mess:
"You've got to wrap your tongue around your head three times" said Chirpy, "and then you'll have licked it!"
Superman complied, and within no time, he'd rid the world of...
tax collecters,vat collecters,help lines,and given everybody a day of,meanwhile back at the planet..
...Lois Lane was up to her neck in...
typewritter ribbon,which wasn't a pretty sight as her...
...neck looked all black & blue! There was only one solution...
DAZ tablets,which put Lois in a spin as...
big as...
a runner beam made by magic faries dancing to
gether in the...
alltogether as was the custom back in the days of...
...Pearly Spencer, a well known up-and-coming East End...
Olympic Nudist Leapfrog Champion, who would happily show anyone his testimonials for a pint. Lois Lane, meanwhile, was still up to her neck in typewriter ribbon, and turning even more blue, when Fifi arrived and...